Introducing…the Baby-Bidet!

While responding to a friend’s request for new-baby stories, I remembered a story I thought I might as well share here, too. (To be perfectly honest, after writing it up for her blog, I though, geeze, that took a while. I should put it on my own blog, too, and get some mileage from it there, as well.)

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When N was around a month old, she stopped pooping regularly. She would eat, and eat and eat and eat and not poop. By the third day of not pooping, she would start to get fussy. By the fourth day, she was inconsolable. Mercifully, by the fifth or sixth day she would squirm and scream and unleash a quantity of poop that would sufficiently fertilize a moderately sized garden. It would easily escape the confines of the feeble diaper, and spread itself over every surface within the vicinity. The good news is that after swabbing the decks, we would have a happy baby again, until about day five as the process repeated.

One of N’s poop vacations ended while Brenda was out at her yoga class. I was left to tackle the mountain of watery dung alone, and was caught off guard. You see, I usually fulfilled the role of first mate, providing wipes, paper towels, gas-masks, and a fresh diaper to the captain. These were uncharted waters for me.

I peeled back the poop-soaked diaper, and immediately jammed it back on her bum, reeling from the shock of the smell. I reluctantly pulled back the diaper again, and stared at the thick layer of mustard-like paste that coated her poop deck.

I removed the diaper and held up N’s legs, suspending her above the poop. I stared at the wipes, sitting just to the left of N’s change table, firmly enclosed in the plastic case that keeps them from drying out. The plastic case just within reach. The plastic case that takes two hands to open.

N was now flailing a bit in response to the bum-freedom she was experiencing, and in danger of squirming back into the poopy mess. Ignoring the wipes, with my free hand I cradled the back of her neck, and carried her poop soaked body to the sink. I used my elbow to turn on the tap, and let the water pressure do the cleaning that I couldn’t. The poop washed down the drain, and she was clean again.

We used the baby-bidet a few times after that, when N’s poop was especially explosive. While I haven’t started marketing the baby-bidet for mass consumption, I do recommend it as a quick cleanup method for especially nasty, sticky poops!

My new teacher

Well, I haven’t written in a while – since January 20th, actually. And for good reason – it was on January 21st that my world changed forever – and for the better, I must say!

Norah Kate joined us at 7:05 pm, after 26 long hours of labour. (And if I think they were long, imagine how long they were for the woman who gave birth to this 9 pound baby!) Everyone is doing well, and we’re adjusting to life with a baby. I am back at work (reluctantly) and trying to spend as much of my time outside of work holding Norah. My wife has been wonderfully supportive and I can’t imagine a better partner for this adventure.

So, here she is – my new teacher!

The crib is ready…the countdown is on!

In less than 50 days, we could be the owners of a brand new baby. And, after last weekend, we now have a place for said new baby to sleep! We wanted a crib that was as eco-friendly as possible, without making us as poor as possible. We decided on a Canadian-made birch crib from College Woodwork. Though they use non-voc finishes, we were a bit leary to have any sort of stain or paint on the piece of furniture that our brand new baby will spend a lot of every day in for the beginning years of his or her life. We ordered the crib unfinished, and began the search for a natural finish that would seal the wood. We heard of people using food-grade oils on cribs, but some websites cautioned against this as the oil sometimes turns. Eventually, we contacted a local Ma and Pa paint shop, and they recommended Claphams Beeswax Salad Bowl Finish – to quote the Grandpa who ran the store – “You could spread that stuff on toast and eat it!” As we applied it to the crib, we noted that it does smell nice enough to eat.

Here is what the crib looked like mid-application – the left hand side shows what the crib looks like post-application.

Here is another shot – this one is more artsy, for Ben. Sadly, the room was rather dark, and I couldn’t get the whole crib to be in focus. But you can see what I was trying to do.